Wow! Has time gone by!

I have come to the conclusion that when my mother passed away I went through some kind of breakdown. I couldn't cross stitch (and cross stitching has always been my therapy) and I didn't read (another favorite hobby), I just got up and went to work, came home and slept the remainder of the day away. I ended up getting divorced (my marriage had been over before mom's death, he was living downstairs and I was upstairs), moving out, getting re-married (my one big mistake since my divorce) because I was so afraid of being alone. And because I was so afraid of being alone I catered to him and gave him everything I could so that he stay... came close to financial meltdown because of it! I just can't believe what I have done and gone through.

And after I have come to my senses do I regret any of my changes?-- The only thing I regret is my remarriage. I do not regret leaving my ex-husband. We did not get along and rarely communicated without getting into an argument. Our sweet daughter spent her time in tears and never knew what was happening. Now, after the divorce and bitterness are gone, my ex and I have become good friends. We are doing things together with our daughter and having a good time together. He is in control of his life, I am now finally in control of mine. I have to admit that without my ex's help I would not have made it out of the hole I dug for myself. He was there for me as he wasn't when we were married. I am still putting my life back together and trying to get things caught up financially, but I am doing it and feeling good about myself again...finally. I have finally realized that I need to take care of myself and not depend on others to make me happy. That is my responsibility and my first priority. My new husband needs to do the same for himself. I can't not be the one to make him happy with himself.

I am still married to my second husband and whether or not we will stay married depends on him. I can't give him everything hoping that he will make me happy. I am no longer afraid of being alone. I now realize I am responsible for myself. Now, I need him to realize that he is responsible for his own happiness and for himself. I am not his mother and never wanted to be.

Now, after analyzing myself, I am finally getting back into my cross stitching! I am so happy as cross stitching has brought me so much happiness and peace within myself. I have my own little stitching area in my living room and it makes things so much easier. I have started reading again... I am feeling like a new person. My next post will be about stitching... I am just so happy that I am back!!!!!!

(Currently stitching: Firefly Fairies by Lavender and Lace, Madonna of the Garden by Mirabilia and who knows what else I will pull out!!!)

Wow!

It has been awhile since I have blogged!! To be honest, I haven't felt like it, but then I haven't felt like doing much since my mom passed away. But it has been approximately 6 months and for some reason I feel like I am coming to life again. Much like a fresh new rose beginning to open. Guess it is true, people do need a time to grieve.

I have started stitching again. I was beginning to think that I would never get back into my favorite hobby, but it is also coming back. I have been working on Mermaid of Atlantis and Ivy both by Nora Corbett. My desire to stitch a Heaven and Earth Design is also coming back... thought that wouldn't hit me either, but, thankfully it has. I have picked HOPE by Selina Fenech back up and purchased a new QS chart by Ching-Chou Kuik-- QS Purple Silk Meramid. I just love the purples in this one. Just need to decide on the fabric for this one. Was thinking of stitching on 32 count 2 over 2, but I think that I am actually going to give 1 over 1 full cross stitch or 2 over 1 tent stitching a try...

Going to the Stitching Festival in Hershey, PA sure did help get me back into the stitching mood. I bought so much. I wonder if I am actually going to get everything stitched! I don't think so, but I love to look at the charts and dream of having them finished.

Will blog again with pictures... Just wanted to say Hi! And I am still around... And Boy it feels good!!!

A Day of Sadness in Virginia...

Today, while at work, we get a call from my co-workers DD. Two people had been fatally shot in the dorm she used to live in... there was another shooter in a building shooting at people.... randomly or not, not sure about this yet. This was all happening on the campus of Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Virginia. The first shooting happens at 7:15am before everyone's day has actually begun. The second shooting occurs 2 hours later in Norris Hall where students are attending classes for the day. As the day goes on the death toll is climbing and the injured list is also increasing. My co-worker is near tears as her daughter is there on campus and who knows where this/these crazy people will end up.... The death toll is now approximately 20 people.

The police are still not sure whether or not it is the work of two different shooters or one. They are not sure whether or not the two different shooting incidents, that are only two hours apart, are related or not. The death toll is now over 20.... Our boss has my co-worker go home early; it is impossible for her to give her all to work, she is too worried about her daughter and the phone calls from friends and family keep coming in for her. A friend of hers is on the way to the school... she is going to bring her daughter home, after all it is the third incident at this school since school started in 2006. (When school started in Aug. 2006 a convict escaped from jail and ended up on the campus with a gun. Classes were cancelled and the campus put on lock-down. Then fairly recently there was a bomb threat at the school.) I still don't know what my co-worker has decided to do... stay here and know that DD is okay as she has been calling every 30-45 min. with updates and to let mom know that she is well... or to go down to Blacksburg and pick up her DD. I really don't know what I would do were I in the same situation. Her DD says that she is fine, she wants to stay at school. Exam week is coming up and then everyone will be leaving for the summer. Later on the news finally reports that the total death toll is 33. 2 have died from the shooting in the dorm, the remainder at Norris Hall, one reported dead so far is a professor. ID's of the those shot has still not been determined. The shooter has also taken his own life. The authorities are having trouble identifying the shooter as he shot himself in the head and his fingerprints are not in the system. He is reported to have had 2 pistols...

My question is this... WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO??? What is it with people who feel that they can solve their problems by shooting innocent victims. It is with shock, horror and sadness that we all listen to this on the news. The largest mass murder to happen... and at a college campus! I and others can not believe it!

And, Life Goes On......

On Thursday, April 5, 2007 my mother took her last breath and passed away at 10:37pm at her home with my Dad and my sister at her side. She is finally out of pain (she was always in pain and it became much worse at the end)and is finally at peace in heaven above. The unbelieveable thing to me is that she is actually gone. I think I thought my parents were invincible and would always be around. The viewing and the funeral were on Monday, April 9 and Tuesday April 10, respectively. Both were very difficult (and absolutely beautiful), but , I just had to keep telling myself that mom was finally happy again and in a much better place. She had so many beautiful friends that were a pleasure to see again and some I was finally able to meet. We also got to see some people that we all thought we had lost touch with. Mom was such a beautiful and giving person of herself. It is difficult to imagine life without her... Love you mom and be happy.

However, life goes on... The dog has a yeast infection in one ear and a bacterial infection in the other ear. DD is having some problems finishing her homework in her classes, DS #3 is still planning to move to NC this summer sometime, I really need to make a dentist appointment for the tooth that has been bothering me all month, and my cousin and her husband will be back in the states on Saturday with their new baby, Matthew, who they adopted in Korea!! ... Life really does go on....

I was finally able to finish Stargazer and gave her to my niece for her birthday. She was in awe. My sister (her mother) is going to take Stargazer to be framed. I asked them to send me a picture as I would love to see her all finished. I would love to post a finished picture of her, but with everything going on I forgot to get the camera and take that final picture. Again, I asked my sister to take a picture for my finished album. The amazing thing is is that I have been able to finish some projects in the last year.... 2 (Celtic Summer and Mermaids of the Deep Blue) in 2006 and now Stargazer in 2007. Let's see if I can finish another one!!

Wow!! What a day. I woke up in a bad mood... Katie had a cheerleading competition in Richmond, VA, it was snowing outside (and still is as I write this) and I really didn't want to drive 2 1/2 hours in this awful weather! It is supposed to turn to ice later on in the day. As I am being cranky and driving DH and DD nuts (yes, I was in rare form... tried to tell DH he was driving the carload to Richmond instead of me!) my cellphone rings... NOW who could this be??? Thankfully, I calmed myself down, answered the phone and lo and behold! The coach has cancelled our participation. Not great as this was a National competition, but in my opinion, better safe than sorry. Anyway, it was amazing, my mood did a 180 and I was fine... Go figure! However, I am still not happy about the weather!!! I hate snow, I hate ice! It just means that travelling around is difficult and school will more than likely be closed on Monday. Even DD would rather go to school! I know we aren't getting as badly as many of you, but I still don't like it.

This is what it looked like when I looked out the front door about an hour ago... you can still see snowflakes coming down...














And it is still coming down!

Oh well, that is life... I guess, I am going to be happy that I don't have to travel to the competition and sit down with a Marathon of Law and Order SVU and finish Stargazer. I am on the home stretch...just need to finish some stitching and then all the beading!

As you can see, I am almost there! Okay, so first a little nap! Then finish Stargazer! Guess the day isn't so bad after all!!!!

Well... today my son came home... you may be wondering where has he been, college... nope. He has been someplace that I can not be proud of... After being in jail (yes, I wrote jail) for 1 year and 10 months he is finally home. It is only the first day, but he plans on getting his life back together and making something of it after putting DH and I through the ringer since he was 11 or 12 years old. I don't talk about it much as it all really makes me feel like a failure as a mom, but I have to keep telling myself that I didn't force him to make the choices he made in the past. I can only hope and pray that feeling lasts. I am mildly skeptical, but hopeful. We will see. But, man, he is one good looking young man!

Now, I have some more stitching updates... this is what I have been doing rather than spending my time on the net (I am making up for it tonight though)... My last update on Stargazer didn't show how much further I had gotten:

the bottom half of Stargazer, almost done and then a ton of beading to go....

the top half of Stargazer, done with the exception of the beads... again, another ton of beading to do!

And this is a full view of my almost done Stargazer.... should I say it again! Yep, a ton of beading! She is looking beautiful though!

Another project that I have been working on is Cirques des Cercles by Tracey of Ink Circles. I am stitching this on 32 count creme Italian Linen. The floss color I am using is Gloriana silk, Raspberry Parfait.

Not the best picture... should have made it larger, it looks better bigger! Oh well....

Time to get ready for bed. DD has a cheerleading competition in Richmond, VA in the morning and we have to leave super early. Ugh!

I have really been neglecting my blog! Definitely not a good thing! So... what has been going on with me lately...

Mom continues to hang on... Those prayers from all over must be working because we have gone past the 6 months originally diagnosed by the doctors! She has lost quite a bit of weight and is now down to approximately 97 pounds from approximately 150 lbs. Her spirits are good and she is dealing with the pain as best she can. The doctors have re-vamped her pain medications a bit and that seems to be helping a little bit more. Even with the medication she still experiences some pain, but at least it seems to be bareable.

I will admit that I haven't been on the computer much... haven't really felt like it to be honest. Part of the reason is is that I don't want to be enabled. The other reason is is that for some reason I just want to spend sometime stitching, spending time with myself and a little with my family. For some reason I have been feeling this need to be alone. Not quite sure what it is....

Anyway... I have been stitching away on Stargazer by Mirabilia and I did start Mystery X by Martina of Chatelaine. I have been really enjoying Stargazer and have pretty much surprised myself with sticking with just this one project. I wonder... could I be changing to a one-at-a-timer? Lord, I hope not... there is so much I want to be stitching on... although I might actually finish more by working on one project at a time???

I have actually gotten much futher on this one, but haven't taken an updated picture yet. Infact, she now has a face and most of her dress! I am almost done with all the stitching and will just have the beads to put on... can't believe I will have finished one this year!!! Stargazer is being stitched on 28 count Opalescent Mystery Blue hand-dyed by Silkweaver.

I still haven't finished part one of Mystery X by Chatelaine, but this is what I have gotten done so far:

The colors are absolutely gorgeous for this one and the silk is so yummy to stitch with! I am still waiting for some of my threads to arrvie as they are backordered. I am hoping that I can keep up with this mystery and actually finish one! We will see. I had better get to stitching on this one before part 2 comes out at the beginning of February. Mystery X is being stitched on 32 count Belfast, Vintage Cream hand-dyed by Zweigart. The picture doesn't show it, but the fabric color is really a very pretty white/creamy color.